Gossip Girl - Chuck Bass Quotes...

Chuck: Serena look effin hot last night. There's something wrong with that level of perfection. It needs to be violated.
Nate: You are deeply disturbed.

Chuck: You guys have been dating since kindergarten and you haven't sealed the deal.
Nate: Who says 'seal the deal?'

Chuck: I'm gonna have to tell my parents the hotel they just bought is serving minors.
Serena: And if you order a drink, they're also serving pigs.
Chuck: I love it when you talk dirty.

Chuck: if I knew his name, I'd kill him.
Nate: Because you kill people now? What, you gonna hunt him down with your scarf?
Chuck: Don't mock the scarf, Nathaniel. It's my signature.

Chuck: This isn't over.
Dan: Any time. That one black eye looks a little lonely.

Jenny: Let's play a game.
Chuck: I'd say strip poker. But I don't have any cards.

Chuck: Little Jenny Humphrey gets my pants off and I still don't manage to enjoy it.

Blair: What is Nate doing? He's supposed to go find Kati and Is. It's getting late and I'm losing heat.
Chuck: Well you look ravishing. If I were your man, I wouldn't need clues to find you.

Chuck: Look... I care about three things, Nathaniel. Money, the pleasures money brings me, and you.

Chuck: (sees Blair coming out of church) Well, this is the last place I'd expect to find you.
Blair: Go away, Chuck! I've been given orders, practically from God himself, to avoid you.
Chuck: Would you consider avoiding me over breakfast?

Blair: As tradition on the day before my birthday, I'm heading to the jewelry to put some pieces on hold for Eleanor and...
Chuck: Nate? Oh, I don't think he'll be singing Happy Birthday this year.
Blair: No one knows that Nate and I broke up, and it's going to stay that way until I can fix this. And I don't think you're best friend would still be you best friend is he knew...
Chuck: If he knew how much I enjoyed the removal of a certain chastity belt in the back of this very limo?

Blair: You know what? I'm tired of this. Go ahead and tell him.
Chuck: Really? You want me to tell him how you slept with me and then faked your virginity for him?
Blair: I'll just tell him your lying. And you do you think he'll believe? You who bangs anything in his field of vision. Or me, his pure and honest girlfriend of many years.
Chuck: I know he'll believe me.
Blair: Why?
Chuck: I have proof.

Chuck (to Serena): How about I turn that one-piece to a no-piece?

Blair: Isn't there someone else you can torture?
Chuck: Probably, but I choose you.

Chuck: You know, if my dad and your mom come back from South Africa tomorrow engaged we'll be brother and sister. And you know what they say, the family that plays together stays together.
Serena: Ah. Incest, the universal taboo. One of the, uh, only ones you haven't violated.
Chuck: I'm game if you are.

Chuck: Poor little Humphrey Dumpty. Look, let me clarify something for you. Regardless of who you're currently sleeping with, you and I come from different worlds. In my world, if I'm suspended or expelled, a wing is donated in the Bass name.
Dan: That sounds like quite a world.
Chuck: It's not perfect, I'll admit.

Serena: Hi, Chuck.
Chuck: Please, call me brother.

Blair: (sees Chuck, smoking) Oh, don't stop on my account.
Chuck: Oh I had to, second hand smoke is bad for the uh...
Blair: I'm not pregnant. So goodbye mistake, so far in my past I can hardly remember it.
Chuck: You cannot be serious.
Blair: You can't be touching me. Look, if you were going to tell Nate, you would have done so in Monaco but you don't want him to hate you. Game over.
Chuck: Game's not over until I say it is.
Blair: Then go play with yourself.

Nate: Did you sleep with her? Huh!?
Chuck: She needed someone and I was there!

Serena: What are you doing?
Eric: I'm hiding from my valet. He wanted to put my socks on for me this morning. Your servants are very attentive.
Chuck: You should meet Bergita the maid.
Serena: No! No he should not meet Bergita, he's 14. Ignore this person.
Chuck: May I remind you, Serena, that you used to have a sense of humor.

Serena: Okay let's get one thing straight. Our parents might be insisting on blending our households but I am not your sister. I do not share any of your DNA, nor do I ever wish to.
Chuck: Then I suggest you get new hand towels.

Nate: She's right Serena, I mean none of us are saints.
Blair: [points at Chuck] Yeah, I had sex with him in the back of a limo.
Chuck: Several times.
Nate: I had sex with you, at a wedding while I was her date. [looks at Chuck] Once.
Blair: [looks at Chuck]
Chuck: I'm Chuck Bass!

Nate: You know, why do I get the feeling you're actually enjoying this?
Chuck: Call me sentimental.

Serena: So where's Georgina?
Chuck: You're out of luck, she just left.
Serena: Where's Dan?
Chuck: I'm out of luck, he's still here.

Chuck: You know, they say if you love something, you should set it free.
Blair: Ugh! They say when you hate something, you should slam the door in its face.

Chuck: My father is someone who goes after what he wants, and Lily van der Woodsen was no exception. In typical Bass man fashion his pursuit was direct, and at times not exactly subtle. One thing I learned about my fathers courtship of Lily is the importance of perseverance. That in the face of true love you don't just give up, even if the object of your affection is begging you too. And one thing I learned from Lily is the importance of forgiveness. She gave my father the gift of a second chance and in kind I watched him become someone actually worthy of that gift. And one day I hope I'll be lucky enough to find someone who will do the same for me. To the happy couple.

Chuck: Let's take it slow this time. Do it right.
Blair: Blegh... Chuck Bass is a romantic, who knew?
Chuck: Now you do, and it's all what it matters.

Chuck: You don't belong to Nate. Never have, never will.
Blair: You never belong to anyone.

Chuck: Please don't leave with him.
Blair: Why? Give me a reason... and "I'm Chuck Bass" doesn't count.
Chuck: 'Cause you don't want to.
Blair: That's not enough.
Chuck: 'Cause I don't want you to.
Blair: That's not enough.
Chuck: What else is there?
The true reason I should stay right where I am and not get in the car. Three words. Eight letters. Say it... that I'm yours.
Chuck: I... I ... [pause]
Blair: Thank you. That's all I needed here.

Chuck: You're lying.
Blair: I am not.
Chuck: Your eyes are doing that thing where they don't match your mouth.
Blair: I wasn't aware that robots got jealous. Did they update your software while I was away?

Blair: Squash? I'll squash YOU.
Chuck: It's just a game, Blair.
Blair: Not to me, Basshole. I like him!
Chuck: So do I. And apparently he doesn't have too many friends.

Nate: No offense, but don't you think you're a little outmatched?
Chuck: At squash? I've been playing my father since 8th grade, how good can Marcus be?
Nate: No, I mean as a guy. Blair wants to be a princess and your greatest achievement is owning PART of a burlesque club.
Chuck: Which is why I have to get to know him. No one is that perfect. Once I get him outta the way, I'll have a clear shot with Blair.
Nate: You know it's love when you start talking like an assassin.
Chuck: I think you're jealous of my new best friend!

Catherine: Charles Bass?
Chuck: [pauses] I'm sorry, I wasn't expecting anyone so young... or so beautiful.
Catherine: Just because I didn't give birth to Marcus doesn't mean I'm any less interested in his well-being.

Chuck: I thought you might like to meet my friend.
Blair: Why, so she can warn me bout the effects of too much botox?
Catherine: Blair, is it? I'm Duchess Beaton.
Blair: [flabbergasted] Duchess? Nice to meet you.

Serena: I'm sorry, I'm not laughing. It's just so obvious. You're not over Blair. This is your body's way of telling you!
Chuck: I don't have a romantic bone in my body. Least of all that one. But you do raise an interesting idea. Clearly there's some kind of ... blockage.
[pauses] Perhaps ...
Serena: No!
Chuck: One more go-around, just to clear the pipes.
Serena: You are not using Blair as sexual Drano!

Blair: Not that it's any of your business, but Marcus and I have an amazing sex life.
Chuck: Really? [pauses] What names does he call you when you make love? Where does he put his hand? Does he ... [whispers] Have sex with me.
Blair: What?
Chuck: Just once, that's all I ask.
Blair: You are disgusting and I hate you.
Chuck: Then why are you still holding my hand?

Marcus [sees Blair and Chuck] ... Blair!
Blair: ohmigod, ohmigod.
Marcus: Blair, what is it?
Blair: You don't understand! I thought it was you! He had an accent!
Chuck: Please, you knew exactly who it was.

Dan: You should put a bell on.
Chuck: Kinky. I'll think about it.

Chuck: It's like the plague. Only instead of vermin on my doorstep, I get the human being. Beat it, Humphrey. My sister doesn't dig stalkers.

Dan: I know... we don't like each other. You think I'm a boring, sheltered nobody.
Chuck: I don't think of you.

Dan: I've come to the conclusion that I need to get out of my comfort zone. To experience some new things.
Chuck: Are you gay?

Dan: I just need to get out of Brooklyn. For one night. I'd like to experience the world of Chuck Bass.
Chuck: You're lucky I'm bored.
Dan: Is that a yes?
Chuck: Get in, before I change my mind.

Chuck: Watching you fail spectacularly gives me so much joy.
Blair: And you know what you give to everybody else, Chuck? Misery. There's a reason you're always out here alone.

Chuck: Nate just happens to be away at his grandparents'.
Blair: Nate is only friends with you out of habit! The only person with fewer friends than you is Dan Humphrey and even his lame, '90s dad likes him. And that's because he's something you'll never be. A human being.

Dan: How do you know so many twins?
Chuck: Twins find me?

Chuck: Arthur! Pull over!
Dan: This isn't Brooklyn. Aren't you taking me home?
Chuck: Get out.
Dan: Wait, no, I don't -
Chuck: Tonight was nothing. You're just a drunken idiot. My amusement for the night.
Dan: Can I at least have my shoes?

Chuck: For what it's worth, Humphrey, you had my back. Never thought I'd say this, but thanks.

Chuck: I hope they make a Humphrey sandwich.

Dan: I'm good with just one.
Chuck: You're either in for the full ride, or you're out.
Dan: [pauses] Okay, pass me the shots.
Chuck: That's just a chaser.
Dan: What is that?
Chuck: Does it matter? Down the rabbit hole, then we go out the door.